"And this stillness of life did not in the least resemble a peace. It was the stillness of an implacable force brooding over an inscrutable intention. It looked at you with a vengeful aspect."
Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness
#heart of darkness
The One Person I Wanted to Hear From Today
#the one person I wanted to hear from today
I don’t mean to brag. I just want to let you know. There were a lot of messages today. There were a lot of people who looked at the calendar today and thought about me. They sent text messages and e-mails and Facebook messages. They called and they sent postcards. They remembered and they wanted to show their appreciation for me and my place in their lives. They wanted to wish me well.
And yet, there was really only one person I wanted to hear or read from today: you.
I had hoped you would remember. I had hoped I would mean enough to you for you to send an e-mail. I had hoped you thought of me as a friend.
There was only one person I wanted to hear or read from today, and you did not remember.
It hurts. It physically hurts, because it confirms what I have dreaded for a long time. No matter how much I try to suppress my feelings for you. No matter how much I try to be a good friend. No matter how much I fool myself about our relationship. It all comes down to this: I don’t mean anything to you. And confirmation of this truth hurts more than I can possibly describe.
Today was my birthday, and it broke my heart.