Above the Meadows, In Dreams

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"To really be a nerd […] you had to prefer fictional worlds to the real one."

- Rainbow Rowell, Fangirl

Twentysomething Adult?

I read a blurb online a few days ago that encouraged twentysomethings to “reclaim their adulthood”. Thirty is not the new twenty. It is not necessary to stretch out the teenage years.

Immediately, two opinions began to war in my mind.

I understand this blurb. I understand the opinion. I understand the encouragement. And for the most part, I agree and I think have lived according to this opinion. I have taken deciding on a career incredibly seriously. I take my job seriously. I take my responsibilities towards my parents and my family seriously. I live according to the rules of society and I try to fulfill the expectations of the establishment. I read grown-up books like Melville and Shakespeare and Eggers. I watch the news every night. I go to bed early when I can and I wake up early even when I don’t have to. I save money. I cook. I think about the groceries that I buy. I exercise. I am responsible.

But then I’m also scared.

I’m scared of the future. I’m scared of not being taken seriously. I’m scared of just how dependent I still am on other people’s opinion of me. I’m scared of losing my parents. I’m scared of falling in love. I’m scared of intimacy and honesty. And I’m so, so scared that life has already passed me by while I was trying to be responsible.

I don’t know how to reclaim being an adult. I think I am an adult.

I do know that I can’t give up being young. I’m still too scared of the world.